Personally, I’d Rather Have Pomegranate-Flavored Vodka.
Thanks goes out to James VanMeter from Ohio for sending the following story.
I have been in the service industry from the age of 15, starting out hosting and then bussing and so on. Now, 11 years into the industry, I’m 26 and a bartender at the hottest bar in Ohio.
It’s a humungous club that frequents at least a 1,000 patrons on a slow weekend. Our club sits right on the boundaries of campus. Thus, everyone with a really good fake, or just barely over the age of 21, crawls into our bar to let loose.
It often gets out of control as we have this insane happy hour that involves dollar wells and dollar drafts. These idiots have the audacity to ask dumbass questions like “What’s a well?” or “What’s in a rum and coke?” My personal favorite is always “Can I get a double for a dollar?”
…idiots…pure idiots…
Anyway, on a dumbass night (Thursdays) this guy comes up like he knew what he was talking about and orders two vodka cranberries and two raspberry vodkas…
Yes, a raspberry vodka.
Me: “What?”
Him: “You know…two raspberry vodkas…”
Me: (As I bite my tongue) “First of all, I assume you want it for a dollar right?”
Him: “Yeah.”
Me: “Second, there is no raspberry-flavored vodka in our well selection.”
Him: “No, I don’t want raspberry-flavored vodka.”
(Here’s where it gets great)
Him: “I want vodka and….raspberry juice.”
Me: “Let me ask you something: In your whole entire life…and I mean whole life…have you ever had raspberry juice?”
(Wait for it)
Him: “No. I guess I haven’t.”
Me: “Then what fucking makes you think I got it here?”
He got short-poured four vodka cranberries.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:23
That’s perfect. Just perfect. Our dumbass nights are Tuesdays (dollar beers) and Thursdays ($2.75 pitchers). I truly hate working those nights.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:42
i nominate him for “FAKE” pours for the rest of the night. You KNOW a drunk a-hole is wasted when he/she/it cant see nor taste a no pour drink.
March 13th, 2008 at 1:40
HAHAHAHAHA. wow. can you imagine how much stupider alcohol makes that guy?
March 14th, 2008 at 12:42
we can give people up to 3 standard drinks at a time up here. 1 jug, is 3 standard drinks. we do a power hour of $4.50 jugs- I’m friggen lucky to get the 50 cent tip off a jug. I always have these idiot kids coming up and ordering 4 jugs at a time and of course they want their 2 dollar change. every week its the same people and I’ve yet to see a tip off them. so, I’ve taken to spreading 3 ounces between the 4 jugs. lots of Ice, half the pop- they never notice the difference. Ring in three for the bar, give them 2 back from a 20. They just paid 18 dollars for 3 shots of vodka and a liter of sprite.
Remember : If you cant afford to tip-you cant affrd to take your eyes off the bartender.
March 16th, 2008 at 3:32
I have had fresh raspberry juice, and it’s fantastic. It’s heavenly with vodka. Of course, I was in Chile at the time.
March 17th, 2008 at 10:21
hottest bar in ohio?? im originally from cleveland and not to be nitpicky, but any bar that has dollar drafts and happy hour specials does not sound like a hot bar. maybe it is the hottest college bar in the area, but the hottest bar in Ohio? last time i checked, velvet tango room and the foundation room were both a litttttle more discerning with their clientele. $15 is the minimum for a martini and people go there so they dont have to deal with the crowd that you are describing.