Little People, Big World
Sometimes, I’m the idiot.
Tonight was incredibly fast and as a result, didn’t have time to think before I said or did things. I was acting on pure instinct and ritual, which with someone like me (see: jackass) is not a good thing.
I was sat a couple. The man was a literal dwarf. He stood three feet high and his feet hung off the chair. The only reason I didn’t think he was a child was because he had 1) the diction of a thirty-year old and 2) a beard.
So I’m running around and I notice the guy is running out of Sprite. I sprint through the server’s hallway, get him a Sprite on my way to another table and drop it off. What I said as I dropped off the drink was neither intentional nor in mean spirit, but for some ungodly, unneccessary reason, in my brain of brains, I decided it would be a good idea to tag on a “Here you go, big guy” to the drop-off of the drink.
What in the hell is wrong with me?
I didn’t turn around as I walked away. All I could think was that I had bought at least six or seven one-way tickets to Hell with that little comment and I didn’t even do it on purpose.
For the rest of their time there, I made sure to put that guy’s needs above everyone else’s as I tried to recoup some sort of dignity from calling the ONLY FRICKIN’ LITTLE PERSON I’VE SERVED “big guy”.
There’s a special circle in Hell designed for people like me.
February 28th, 2008 at 7:01
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
February 28th, 2008 at 8:10
It’s good to have you back Ryan. It’s stories like these that I’ve been missing for the past couple of months.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:57
haha that’s great. Hopefully, he’s one of those people that can make fun of themselves and not some pompous idiot that tries to ignore whatever makes them different. Big guy hahaha niiiiiice Ryan!
February 29th, 2008 at 5:02
I’m going to hell - you said it out of habit. You didn’t mean it. I’m still laughing.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:20
Aw, Ryan! It was unintentional- but still really funny! At least you tried to make it up to him with killer service. I hope he was one of those people that could just brush it off and forget about it.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:01
hahahaha that’s something I would do. One time I had a black dude with all white people at a table, and I was joking around with them at some point and referred to the black guy as “homeboy”… oops…
and I just realized, I’m in your area for spring break, but only for the night, and I didn’t think to try to go eat at your place. not that that would be intensely stalkerish or anything. nevermind.
March 1st, 2008 at 1:55
I wouldn’t worry about it Ryan. I’m a big guy and get called big guy all the time. After awhile it just rolls of one’s back.
Later!
March 1st, 2008 at 3:33
ROFL!! OMG, that ranks up there when I was trying to find a hebrew tutor for my husband and wished the gal at the synagogue a Merry Christmas.
March 1st, 2008 at 11:11
So, how was your tip??
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:19
I’ve never served a dwarf.
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:21
thinking back on it I cant rem if i have waited on a little person or not
BUT I have shoved both feet into my over mouth and down into my throat before
given peoples propensity to name by opposite ie the human bear sized guy’s nickname is Tiny.
Personal example that I can rem doing more than one is misjudging the sex of a baby or toddler despite it being in a mostly pink or blue outfit.
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:01
reminds me when I told a guy to ease up on the caffeine ’cause he didn’t want to get all shakey, turns out he had Parkinson’s or some similar disease…
http://tonydine.blogspot.com/2007/12/knuckle-head-speaks.html
March 4th, 2008 at 9:33
Every time i read one of your posts lately, I get deja vu. :/ But, lovely blog.
March 5th, 2008 at 7:53
i GOT you beat BADLY…
ok its before we officially open and a semi regular from the bar comes in but sits at a table in the restaurant I vaguely recognize. She is pretty shy but downing glasses of house Chardonnay with a salad. She has a blue colored hardback. I ask her what is it she is reading.
She says “Im not saying.” I go on to describe what Im reading which is a fiction book by Katherine Kurtz involving the elements of a detective novel, vampires, Nazis, Catholic church, order of knights from the Crusades, and the Mossad. It cant be as bad as mine.
She pulls up her book and shows me the spine which in big letters spells out ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. And “Its not working…”
I respond “hey at least your trying.”
March 5th, 2008 at 9:05
Once I was getting a guest a soft drink refill. “Here’s your cock , sir.” I never looked back.