Long-Distance Relationships Are Difficult.
May 21st, 2007Our head cook, an immigrant from Mexico named Jorge (pronounced “whore-hey”), is a good man in many senses of the word. He works six days a week to send money back to his family in Mexico. He could work four days and keep it all for himself and live comfortably, he says, but that’s not how he was raised. Some call it “the struggle”. I guess there’s no better way to describe it.
Because he relies on the money so much and taking care of his family back in Mexico is so important to him, he doesn’t have the time to take a few days and visit them every once in a while. He said it’s been two years since he saw his family. From the way he carries himself, you’d think it was less. When you hear him speak of them, you’d think it was more.
Since I started working there over a year ago, he and I would talk about his family back there, especially his girlfriend. Whenever he’d speak her name, his eyes would light up and for just a few moments, he was back on the Mexican beach with his lady of four years by his side.
I was one of two guys at the restaurant to have a long-term girlfriend (”long-term” being a year or so). All the other guys either had a new girlfriend every six months or just enjoyed being single. He and I would trade stories about our respective ladies. He’d tell me how she was “a wonderful dancer” and “beautiful to the touch”. He’d ask me how my “nuvia” (Spanish for girlfriend, thank you Rachel) was doing and my eyes would light up just as his did when he talked of his lady. I suppose that’s how we related so well. He truly loved that woman in Mexico and I truly loved mine and we got along wonderfully through that common bond.
It’s funny how things like, emotions so basic as love, can translate so effectively over different cultures, languages and backgrounds. I can speak very little Spanish and he could only speak a little more English. But there’s no boundaries when speaking of love and ladies. He would call her his “mamasita”.
She was perfect to him and so was mine. I guess things like that are universal.
Yesterday, I walked in and wasn’t greeted by his daily greeting of “Que pasa, mi amigo?”. I knew something was up. He informed me that he and his girlfriend back in Mexico had broken up.
He looked the same if you didn’t know him, but that light in his eyes was gone. I began to think if I could do what he did. He had gone years without seeing her. He told me he talked on the phone with her a few times a week and that that was enough.
Was I strong enough to love someone so deeply that miles of desert and stretches of mountains couldn’t shake my heart? Maybe I could, maybe I couldn’t. I’ve had feelings for girls miles and miles away. And yes, I have had to do the long-distance thing before. But only for a few months. And even then I wasn’t strong enough to not drive the five or six hours to see her at least once every two weeks.
She was his sun and moon and without her he was cast in shadow. I asked him if he was alright and he hesitated for just a moment before smiling a half-smile and pointing to his head and saying “Up here, meh.” He then pointed to his heart and said “Malo. Muy muy malo.”
“Bad. Very very bad.” I feel you, brother.
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Posted by Ryan
