Long-Distance Relationships Are Difficult.
Our head cook, an immigrant from Mexico named Jorge (pronounced “whore-hey”), is a good man in many senses of the word. He works six days a week to send money back to his family in Mexico. He could work four days and keep it all for himself and live comfortably, he says, but that’s not how he was raised. Some call it “the struggle”. I guess there’s no better way to describe it.
Because he relies on the money so much and taking care of his family back in Mexico is so important to him, he doesn’t have the time to take a few days and visit them every once in a while. He said it’s been two years since he saw his family. From the way he carries himself, you’d think it was less. When you hear him speak of them, you’d think it was more.
Since I started working there over a year ago, he and I would talk about his family back there, especially his girlfriend. Whenever he’d speak her name, his eyes would light up and for just a few moments, he was back on the Mexican beach with his lady of four years by his side.
I was one of two guys at the restaurant to have a long-term girlfriend (”long-term” being a year or so). All the other guys either had a new girlfriend every six months or just enjoyed being single. He and I would trade stories about our respective ladies. He’d tell me how she was “a wonderful dancer” and “beautiful to the touch”. He’d ask me how my “nuvia” (Spanish for girlfriend, thank you Rachel) was doing and my eyes would light up just as his did when he talked of his lady. I suppose that’s how we related so well. He truly loved that woman in Mexico and I truly loved mine and we got along wonderfully through that common bond.
It’s funny how things like, emotions so basic as love, can translate so effectively over different cultures, languages and backgrounds. I can speak very little Spanish and he could only speak a little more English. But there’s no boundaries when speaking of love and ladies. He would call her his “mamasita”.
She was perfect to him and so was mine. I guess things like that are universal.
Yesterday, I walked in and wasn’t greeted by his daily greeting of “Que pasa, mi amigo?”. I knew something was up. He informed me that he and his girlfriend back in Mexico had broken up.
He looked the same if you didn’t know him, but that light in his eyes was gone. I began to think if I could do what he did. He had gone years without seeing her. He told me he talked on the phone with her a few times a week and that that was enough.
Was I strong enough to love someone so deeply that miles of desert and stretches of mountains couldn’t shake my heart? Maybe I could, maybe I couldn’t. I’ve had feelings for girls miles and miles away. And yes, I have had to do the long-distance thing before. But only for a few months. And even then I wasn’t strong enough to not drive the five or six hours to see her at least once every two weeks.
She was his sun and moon and without her he was cast in shadow. I asked him if he was alright and he hesitated for just a moment before smiling a half-smile and pointing to his head and saying “Up here, meh.” He then pointed to his heart and said “Malo. Muy muy malo.”
“Bad. Very very bad.” I feel you, brother.
May 21st, 2007 at 2:52
by the way…the spanish word for girlfriend is nuvia, not nubia. the b´s and the v´s in spanish are pronounced the same.
May 21st, 2007 at 3:39
That sucked for him. Hopefully he has the sense to go out and get bombed and eventually get over her. Long distance relationships are difficult (I have been in a few and they always ended badly when I was in the service. And it was always my buddies who let me know they were running around. Good friends are priceless!). Take him out for a few drinks Ryan! Buy him a lap dance or something to get his mind off her.
May 21st, 2007 at 4:29
Me and my man managed a year long distance. Then, when we moved in together he got orders for a 7 month tour in Africa. He’s finally back! but those long nights alone make the time you get together so special!..and that lap dance thing *huff* what a man thing to say! lol
May 21st, 2007 at 9:27
I’ve been in a, currently a little rocky, 2 year long distance relationship with a girl almost 1000 miles away from me. I only get to see her every few months, but I’m planning on moving soon and hopefully that will be sorted out. Long distance relationships are indeed difficult.
I’m also moving a bit more south then I am now, so I might end up being able to drop by whatever resturant you work at Ryan.
May 22nd, 2007 at 1:54
Long distance relationships are so hard. I had one for a year with a guy in the service while he was overseas only for him to break up with me. I couldn’t do it again and I admire those who do.
ps. Ryan, you are my hero
pps. it’s actually novia, but nuvia is a girls name
May 22nd, 2007 at 10:07
Actually it’s novia. There is no U. I’m spanish so this will be ur last correction, trust me.
May 22nd, 2007 at 10:10
My boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship for about a year and a half. It was hard, but we were committed. Sometimes being without him would start to drive me completely ape shit, and I would cry and be a mess for a few days. I finally moved out to California with him and I’ve lived here for two years and now we’re getting married! We’re one of the few success stories I’ve heard about, and people are astonished that we got through it. I guess you just have to have the right attitude, trust, and a whole lotta love for that other person to make it through, but you can! I’m living proof of it.
May 22nd, 2007 at 3:20
yeah i realized i screwed it up…my bad. i´m in mexico studying spanish so i have no excuse. i knew it didn´t look right though…
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:46
I have a long distance relationship…
… with my bed, my drinks cabinet, my stereo….
too much work
May 24th, 2007 at 5:16
Long distance relationships, eh?
I’ve been in one for over a year now.
She’s in the West of Canada, I’m in the middle of Scotland.
Approximate flying time? between 11 and 14 hours depending on the flight.
Chances of seeing her more than once a year? Approximately fuck all. -_-
May 24th, 2007 at 5:49
Heh I had one for a year. true love, too. 8 thousand something kilometers…Italy. Oh, the memories.
[nOvia, by the way. i’m fluent.]
Then it was no more. Now, in a few weeks, we’re meeting up for coffee.
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:50
Hi!!
I know, long distance relationships are really difficult!
i live in a relationship like this too!!
i live in germany and my boyfriend in london!
sometimes its bad to think about it, because he is so far away!
i cant call him and say” hi honey i feel to kiss you now, so i will come to you now, i will be there in 5 minutes!!”
that will never be possible!!
i cant take him in my arms when i feel to do it!!
and there are so many other things which i cant do!!
but our love is strong and i hope that it will last forever!!!
by the way.. i created a website about this topic!!!
would be glad to meet you there and perhaps you can write about your lovestory there!
if you have any suggestions for the site, tell me please!!!
thank you!!
Ramona
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:52
i forgot to write the link for my site!! lol hehehe
http://international-love.de.tl
but ive seen that you can click on my name too to get to my site!!
hope you enjoy it!!
bye!!
May 1st, 2008 at 5:59
This made me cry.