If You’re A Waiter, You Should Take An Acting Class.
For the year or so I’ve been at my current restaurant, I have been many things:
Serving a family of four from Boston? Oh yea, I have family in Boston. Near…uh…Quincy Market, I believe.
Party of five from Oregon? Yea…my grandparents are living in Portland. Love it there, when I have time to visit of course. Clean city.
Getting a high school football coach some sushi? I played two years of varsity football. Played center. Broke my foot in the next to last game my sophomore year.
Getting a high school baseball coach some sushi? I played on my college’s baseball team my freshman year. Fractured my foot on a stray fastball though.
Three guys getting drinks at the sushi bar? I hate it when my girlfriend makes me watch Sex and the City too.
Four girls at a dining table? Charlotte is definitely the cutest. Miranda’s my girlfriend’s favorite.
Older couple? I was a Methodist youth pastor in Western Florida for five months. Loved it there. Could really see God working through me in this tiny little town.
Younger couple? I got supremely drunk last night and showed up to class hungover. Aced my test though. Smart girl in front of me thankfully.
Every night, I go through a wardrobe of characters. Sadly, most are false. Even more sad than that, I can’t remember the last time I was completely myself with a table. I’m constantly changing to fit the customer(s) I’m serving.
And do you want to know why? Because people (including myself) are so fickle, so shallow, that if they sense you are in the slightest opposition to who you are or what you believe, they won’t tip you anything.
You don’t even have to say anything. I could wear a ring with a cross on it and some feminist women could get the idea that in my spare time I like blowing up abortion clinics. Don’t believe me? Then you’ve never been a waiter.
Or I could accidentally spill hot soup on myself, say the “f…” in “fuck”, catch myself, and be stiffed by an older, more conservative couple that would have tipped me hand over fist if I had worn my ring with a cross on it. Still don’t believe me? Refer to the waiter-run websites on the side of my site.
Customers like it when they’re around people similar to them. And if my grandparents need to live in Quincy Market for the hour or so I’m serving you, then so be it. It enhances your experience and gets me and the chef a better tip.
I’m sure my Nana won’t mind.
April 17th, 2007 at 12:39
Funny, most people who take acting classes usually end up waiting tables… Myself included.
April 17th, 2007 at 1:18
I like it. I did stuff like that even in fast food. Makes a customer that might otherwise be a total stuffed-shirt dick think twice about being snobby. No need for them to know you’re not really similar to them at all.
April 17th, 2007 at 5:19
I find myself doing that to a certain extent, but I think I need to go all-out one night and see how much of a difference it makes.
Nice little experiment.
April 17th, 2007 at 11:58
Boy does that ever sound familiar. Maybe I should write a play about my characters. Nah.. I will leave that to Tyler Perry. I will just act the rolls that pay my bills.
Great job though.
April 18th, 2007 at 12:49
Really? I tip on service alone. I had a waitress last week that spilled my boyfriend’s beer when she brought it to the table, took forever getting his requested refill, brought out his steak medium when he ordered it rare and got me a Sprite refill that was all soda water. I don’t care if she had gone to my high school and could’ve named teachers, I still would’ve only left a 10-12% tip (instead of my usual 20%) because the service was bad.
But hey, if it’s worth your while, I don’t blame you. I had a waiter tell me once that I was the most beautiful girl he’d seen in the last two weeks(probably not true in Miami), which got him a good tip from me, but a bad tip from my two female friends eating with me who got pissy about it
April 18th, 2007 at 2:17
As a server, I have to interject that spills happen and the server probably didn’t grill the steak herself. But taking forever to refill something is bad…I agree.
April 18th, 2007 at 3:45
Personally I couldn’t care less what my waiter/waitress thinks on one political issue or another, tips from me are based solely on service. If I get the food I ordered, the drink I asked for and there’s no problem with any of it then you’re getting a tip. By repeating this pattern of behaviour at a few places on a semi-regular basis I hope to never have my food spat in. =P
April 18th, 2007 at 3:47
You’re one of the good ones, Fyndir.
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:16
That’s true. Thinking about it, I’m sure that “trick” has been used on me before and it works. Going out to eat is all theater anyways, especially when we’re talking about fancy dining.