This Is For All The Christians Out There.
Note: I don’t want to turn this into a pro- or anti-Christian debate. Personally, I can find the beauty in most religions/ways of life. Any comments that I deem offensive to ANYONE (fans of Marilyn Manson not included) will be deleted and I’ll have you banned from reading the site. In short, don’t be douches.
Happy Easter, boys and girls. In lieu of the day we use to remember Christ’s rising from the dead and participating in the world’s very first Easter egg hunt, I thought I’d share a story centering on those that made chocolate bunnies and marshmallow peeps a fixture in Western culture.
The other night I had a kindly old man and woman. They were pretty decent people and fairly good customers. They had a lot of questions, but they were nice about asking questions (i.e. not demanding answers).
At the end of the meal, the man said “Thank you so much for your service. Keep the change.” And then they were gone. Inside were two things:
1. A three dollar tip on a 51 dollar bill.
2. A Christian tract.
For those that don’t know what a tract is, visit here. I’ll wait.
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but according to these 3 x 5 reminders on how to live my life, Christ’s message was one of love. Not bad tipping, jackasses. Hell, you people didn’t even give me 10%. You gave the 70 year old preacher who told you a couple of bad jokes, washed your forehead with some water and put a piece of bread on your tounge a frickin’ Jackson.
But not me. Let’s look at the similarities between me and my restaurant and your pastor/rabbi/etc… and place of worship.
Me - Busting my ass and sweating bullets for an hour to get you what you need.
Church - Not so much “busting ass”, but the sweating and hour thing match up.
Me - When you were thirsty, I gave you something to drink. When you were hungry, I fed you.
Church - This has to be a verse in Matthew or Mark or something, right?
Me - You complain about the music.
Church - Yup.
How can you possibly justify this to God when you reach the pearly gates?
God: “10 percent is 10 percent, guys.”
You: “We thought it just meant church.”
God: “Shoulda rented the movie. See ya.”
Satan: “You bitches tipped 3 bucks on how much?! Stick ‘em with Judas. That shit ain’t kosher, guys.”
At least that’s how I think it’d go down.
April 8th, 2007 at 10:23
Ouch!! Sad. That is just sad.
Hey, sometimes theres a church address on the back of where it came from. You can give the pastor a call and let them know a certain congregation member shared god’s love and dicked you.
April 8th, 2007 at 11:35
Yeh. I got a tract left for me once. I was havin this great ol talk with a woman who I was serving while her husband was in the bathroom. Cause we all know talkin to em gets you more money when they are alone. Found out her life story(besides the Christian part). She knew people I knew and so on and so forth, She was a music teacher and loved I was taking theatre. So they leave and leave me a few bucks for a tip and she was like we left you some reading material if you don’t mind. I was like sure thinkin it be something cool like music or theatrey and boom there on the table is the ol tract.
April 9th, 2007 at 12:56
Oh how I used to hate getting tracts. Never once did I recieve above a 7% tip when I was left one of them. Don’t people understand if you want to get someones attention by using one of thoes you should really leave a bigger tip— or at least a 10% tip?
April 9th, 2007 at 9:51
Perhaps they thought that the tract - which should have led you to eternal love of the immutable “I am Peace” / “I am Wrath” God and your eternal salvation - was more than enough tip. What’s eternal peace compared with paid rent anyway?
Tsk
April 9th, 2007 at 10:04
I always hated it when someone tried to push off tracts on me while on register AND grill/fry area during a RUSH! AGH!
Invariably I just left them on the counter until they were picked up by someone else, tossed by another worker, or “accidentially” knocked into the bucket of bleachwater we kept nearby for sanitizing surfaces. OOPS!
Frankly, though, in all honesty, I have no problems with tracts. Christians have just as much right to attract new followers as does any other religion. My only complaint is the lack of insight on when/how to give them.
April 9th, 2007 at 10:15
I find it patronizing when people feel the need to share “their” truth when it is unsolicited, but then that’s just me and I’m a heathen . . .
April 9th, 2007 at 11:22
thank god i dont live in the south. leaving something like that for a waiter in an nyc restaurant may just get you killed.
April 9th, 2007 at 11:35
I am a christian.
I personally always tips 18% to 20%. Sometimes more.
I don’t usually leave tracts. Coming from a christian background, when a person who is a christian leaves a tract for you view it as a compliment rather than an insult. It just means they are willing to share what they beleive the answer is and they are just showing their love for people they don’t even really know.
However they should have left more of a tip!
April 9th, 2007 at 12:00
I agree with sammy. I believe the same thing about it being a compliment. But at the same time those old bastards stiffed you. It’s like they wanted to let you know they thought you did a good job but kicked you in the nuts instead.
Yeah, I know, I’m kinda twisted…
April 9th, 2007 at 1:01
This reminds me of a joke my friend once told me.
A man who just passed away stumbled unto the pearly gates. When he got there st. peter had stopped him and said “I am sorry son your name is not on the list to get in”. Dumb founded the man responded “But sir, I went to church once and when everyone else was only putting one or two dollars in the donation basket I gave a whole five dollars”. With this said peter called down jesus christ himself. Upon jesus’s arrival peter told him the mans story and told him what was going on. With this all said jesus said “well sir, you lived a life of sin so take your five dollars and go to hell.
April 9th, 2007 at 4:44
This (vaguely) reminded me of a quote from the Xbox game “Simpsons Road Rage” or something like that. Basically it is GTA with Simpsons characters. Anyway, one of Homer’s quotes when he’s getting out of your cab is “Aaaand, here’s your tip: Stay in school.”
April 9th, 2007 at 4:45
Oh, by “GTA” I meant “Crazy Taxi”.
April 9th, 2007 at 9:13
Christians who don’t tip = bad. I’m a Christian, and I make it a point to tip at least 20%, and up to 50% if the bill is under $10 (i.e. mexican restaurants). When my wife and I walk into the Mexican restaurant right by our house, the guy at the front (who is also a waiter) smiles like he just won the lottery, lol.
Oh, and for the record: I don’t subscribe to tracts. At all. Christianity is about building relationships, not letting a cartoon-looking piece of paper do the talking for you. Tracts are the drive-through version of Christianity. Jesus gives two thumbs down. =(
April 10th, 2007 at 1:45
One time I was waiting for a friend of mine to get off work when I noticed this well dressed couple getting ready to settle their bill. I overheard one of the waitresses mention to the other that this couple is one of those “Tract-tippers” and usually stiff the waiter by leaving no tip and dropping one of those nasty pages instead. Sure enough, I notice the guy reaching into a little envelope in his coat pocket to dig one out and leave by the check. Now my friend is almost done with this job and is heading back to college in a couple days, and this is the only time I have ever come in to meet him at his place of business so nobody there knew me.
I went up to that couple and grabbed the little tract off the table and stuck it under his nose, saying: “If I was the waiter who ran his ass off for over an hour serving you and I found THIS instead of a tip I can guarantee you that I would have personally taken it and rammed it right up your sanctimonious little ass! You cheap bastard! Don’t you think people deserve to get paid for working hard? What kind of a man are you?
This guy looked like he wanted to disappear into his shoes! He was beat red and his wife wouldn’t make eye contact either. I never saw someone stammer so much as he reached for his wallet, making halfexcuses, “I was jjj-just trying to do ss-some gg-good.” This guy left a pretty good tip and scrambled out of there.
I decided to leave after that scene as well because I didn’t want to get my buddy in hot water by me meeting him there. He did say he enjoyed the “show” later on when we met for some drinks.
If it puts a stop to at least one couple from leaving those idiotic tracts, it was worth it. Don’t get me wrong. I am a pretty well-mannered person at heart, but some things just need to be stopped and the more people who step up and do it, the better this world will be.
April 10th, 2007 at 8:35
That didn’t happen.
April 10th, 2007 at 1:37
Did so. Neener neener.
April 11th, 2007 at 5:38
LOL, nice one. I can always appreciate good humor. BTW, nice usage of the word sanctimonious. =D
April 15th, 2007 at 11:55
I’d give you a boot in the balls. You’d better watch your attitude. The next person you “serve” may have just put a bullet between someones eyes and you may be next.
April 16th, 2007 at 12:42
Jack,
Go hang yourself.
Love,
Ryan
April 20th, 2007 at 1:42
Wow, tense.
I used to work at TGI Fridays a looong time ago, and we always got the Penecostal crowd about fifteen minutes before we closed. There were about fifteen to twenty of them total, they all drank water (with bowls of lemon) and split appetizers.
And with all that, they would leave “teaser” tracks in our books, little things that looked like money but when you unfolded it, it was a bible verse.
You would think, with all the money they save on haircuts, they could tip better.
A few months ago, at my bar, I was reading the new(ish) Harry Potter book. I put it down to serve a guy, and he left me a tract as a tip, which was an “informational” tract about how Harry Potter was satanic and I was going to hell for reading it.
Gotta love people.
April 20th, 2007 at 6:51
I worked in a restaurant in middle of nowhere, Illinois to help put myself through college. I got similar a similar crowd of people. While I didn’t get bible tracts (very often), these people were way into Amway and always tried to get me and my wife to come over and join that cult.
Gotta love people? Hell no.
April 26th, 2007 at 3:44
I work at a coffeeshop near a college, and one night we had a Christian singer/songwriter. he brought a good chunk of his congregation. This irritated us as- the vast majority of the “regulars” are students, and the regulars are the foundation of our tips. christian music scares off the regulars. so: full house of christians who made a MASSIVE mess. we made a tenth of our usual tips. One lady had the gall to hand me a “wwjd” bracelet “in hopes you’ll find a use for it”
as she walked away I snickered and said “what would jesus do? well, apparently he wouldn’t tip for shit” which offended maybe 4 people nearby, one a coworker. whatever. if they tipped, I would care. since they don’t - its not like I’ll miss the business
August 8th, 2007 at 11:36
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