Do You Have Chocolate Milk?
A woman pushing 300 came in and sat down (I’m using the word “sat” very generously) at one of our dining tables.
Before I could tell her my name, she had a question for me. To go on with this story, we’re going to have to paint a very good picture of the beast I was having to deal with on the other end of this conversation.
Firstly, her tank top was far too short for her back as it revealed the dragon tattoo that went from her lower back and slithered its inky scales into her asshole. Think I’m kidding? I have witnesses.
Secondly, her voice. How to describe it. Okay, it wasn’t so much masculine or feminine as it was just…well, disgusting. Try and imagine a woman talking like that overweight kid on King of the Hill with a blond pony tail and a pig nose that’s always gasping for air and talking like he just walked up five flights of stairs (you guys have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?).
Whatever…here’s how the conversation. Imagine as disgusting a voice as you can:
Woman: “Do you have…chocolate milk?”
Me: (Obviously disgusted) “Uh…no…no we do not.”
Woman: “Do you have…milk…and…chocolate syrup?”
Me: (Even more horrified) “No…uh…ma’am.”
Woman: “Okay. Just bring me…a large, cold glass of milk.”
Sweet Jesus. This woman just pushed every “This woman is disgusting” buttons I have. Then she showed me the dragon tattoo she had going down her asscrack.
Pull up your pants, ma’am.
April 5th, 2007 at 12:52
Oh. My Good GOD that is nasty. -shudders- grooooooooooooss. Sorry you had to see/hear/experience that HORRIBLE moment.
April 5th, 2007 at 7:32
What is gross about milk? or chocolate milk?
Now her being disgustingly morbidly obese is understandably gross, but milk?
Oh wait… It’s a sushi resturant.. Now I understand.
April 5th, 2007 at 8:13
What kind of self-respecting adult drinks a “cold glass of milk” with their sushi?
April 5th, 2007 at 8:17
Hook-ee mi-yoo sooka wookie wookie nipple pinchie!
(That was ‘bring me a cold glass of milk’ in her native language)
April 5th, 2007 at 12:43
fat people are nasty.
April 5th, 2007 at 1:13
I lol’d. But think about this: if you were offended just by seeing her tattoo, imagine how her tattoo artist must have felt! ::shudder::
April 5th, 2007 at 4:56
KT: Excellent Point!
Katie: Not every fat person is nasty. You wouldn’t want to piss off Santa would you?
Ryan: If it wasn’t for the day listed on the post I’d swear it was April Fool’s day again. What person, even an over weight one at that, would drop trow to show you their ass crack…in a restaurant?! People have got to eat later in life ma’am. Me included!
April 5th, 2007 at 5:00
I got the King of the Hill imagery. Nicely done.
June 11th, 2008 at 12:15
[…] “Do y’all have any milk for my lil’ boy down here?” Me: “Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to get him a […]