My Worst Night At Work Or, How I Got Fired.
Well, it was bound to happen eventually:
I got fired.
But, it was worth it. I suppose I took things a little too far when a customer, probably pushing 300, asked for her fifth bowl of secret sauce. That stuff is gross. She looked at me condescendingly as I told her that I “didn’t think her arteries could take it”.
She responded with “Why don’t you just give me the damn sauce and shut the fuck up about it.”
She wants sauce? I’ll give her sauce. I went in the back, filled a bowl to the brim and proceeded to “accidentally” spill everything on top of her. I then “accidentally” shook the bowl to get the remaining orange gunk on her flowery moo-moo.
Don’t say you want it unless you intend for me to give it to you, right?
My manager April came over, chewed me out and told me that I was fired. Fired, eh? So I have nothing to lose, right?
There were some bitchy girls at a table that had been ignoring me all night. I took a pitcher full of ginger sauce (that stuff is a bitch to get out) and “purposely” spilled it all over the most stuck-up girl.
Their chef, Mike, bitched at me for causing such a scene. It’s not my fault they can’t take a joke. I proceeded to pick up one of his eggs (we have egg-fried rice) and nail him in the side of the face. From point-blank range.
Boy did that feel good.
I walked towards our front door, ripped open our cash box and took three people’s worth of cash. Added up to nearly 200 bucks.
As I walked out the door, I caught sight of our new waitress (who shall remain nameless) and gave her a hard slap in the ass.
All in all, I thought it was a productive night.
April 1st, 2007 at 7:50
wow.
just…
wow.
April 1st, 2007 at 8:03
April Fool’s, right?
If not, I admire you. Deeply.
April 1st, 2007 at 8:29
A friend of mine actually did something quite similar…for real. We were working in a fish market and the bitchy regular customer came in and…just pushed him over the edge. He rubbed fish guts all over her body and told her to go “Stuff her cunt with sand” …A pretty cool argument/punch out with our boss ensued. Ahhhh…. the olden days.
April 1st, 2007 at 8:37
I was wondering when you’d go too far.
The place I work at now would have never let you get away with half the shit you do. Even the hibachi place I worked at before wouldn’t either.
April 1st, 2007 at 9:04
all kinds of April Fools. You’ve worked the service industry long enough to not loose your cool just because some large woman wants to further harm her body with fatty orange goop.
I call bullshit.
April 1st, 2007 at 9:18
I hope it’s an April Fools joke, but also…I hope it isn’t.
April 1st, 2007 at 10:47
Holy Fuck, is all I could think while reading this. Talk about going out in a blaze of glory. I never once thought April Fool’s joke but sure hope it is cause if not that could be the end of this site until you get a sweet new job serving idiots again. I repeat Holy Fuck.
April 1st, 2007 at 11:33
Hahaha - great april fools post. I’ve enjoyed reading through your archives
April 1st, 2007 at 11:54
You didn’t elaborate nearly enough on why they pissed you off like you usually do. April fools most defiantly…or at least I hope so! What will become of the blog! NOOO!
April 2nd, 2007 at 1:25
Definatly April Fools
April 2nd, 2007 at 8:02
LoL, sorry but even if you had posted this on september 23rd I still wouldn’t believe you, you’re way to skilled to lose it over a 300lb bitch (though i could see you trying not to vomit after you gave the sauce to her).
However, it’s a very good joke and well played.
I (seriously) lost my job as a new years gift to myself for sucking down Christmas season. I had a packed house and was the only one on for lunch shift. My boss was yelling at me because i had one table with dishes on it (lunch shift means the waitress on, was alone) I dumped 25 miso’s soups on him (prep-soups for the 25 table party i had) and walked out.
Worse thing is, he couldn’t press charges against me because he piad everyone under the table and I would have nailed him for tax-evasion.
April 2nd, 2007 at 9:35
you did not ryry…haha…
you are too sweet for that…i think.
April 2nd, 2007 at 2:43
This TOTALLY happened to ME TOO.
April 2nd, 2007 at 3:16
I’m gonna go with april fools… butcha did have me goin for a while….
April 2nd, 2007 at 4:16
Thought it was serious for the first couple lines…
True kicker was taking money from the cash box. You might have been pissed, but I don’t think you’d risk getting arrested for larceny (or whatever you’d call that.)
April 4th, 2007 at 2:05
um, I think it’s called…theft.
I just found your blog.. Nice. I serve, I relate.
April 5th, 2007 at 2:34
I wish you actually had done that! I want you to promise me that when you actually do get fired (or quit) that you’ll do just that!
April 5th, 2007 at 3:54
I promise nothing.
April 11th, 2007 at 4:19
Oh my god! This is all so funny. I work at McDonald’s and BOY do we get some assheads in there! I was just taking some woman her special order out to her and all these perfectly capable families started handing me their frickin dirty trays. So I did a balancing act to the bin with about 5 trays and then when I managed to get back to my till (after being asked to wipe someones table down on my way back!) I got a bollocking of the manager. Like GEEZ! What a crappy day that was! People just feel too good to put their own stinkin’ rubbish in the bin which isn’t more than 5ft away! Dirty mongrels!
April 12th, 2007 at 2:10
Okay. I could be completly wrong but from the way Tara is describing things, Tara is either living in the UK OR recently moved here and is still using the old familar slang vs. american slang.
Quite interesting to see the little differences between the two lands.