Get My Own Napkins? Get Your Own Help Cleaning Up Your Mess, Sir.
The other night, I had a dining table of two people. An older gentlemen in his late 50’s and a yuppy middle-class white guy in his 30’s.
I believe when I describe someone as a “yuppy middle-class white guy” we all know what I mean, right? These are the men that will overpay thousands of dollars on their house/car/television/prostitute yet they will argue with a cashier if they are overcharged 60 cents on a 200 dollar grocery bill all WHILE TALKING VERY LOUDLY ON THEIR FUCKING BLACKBERRY WHILE COLLEGE KIDS ARE BEHIND THEM ROLLING THEIR EYES BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO GET HOME IN EIGHT MINUTES FOR THE DALLAS MAVERICKS/MIAMI HEAT BASKETBALL GAME.
Their counterparts are the women that drive hummers with crappy bumper stickers and take three spots to park because their designer sunglasses and 300 dollar shoes got in the way. I’d say the women are worse, but what do I know? I have a penis.
Anyway, so the guy asks for a large bowl of shrimp sauce (which is frickin’ gross, remember?) and as I come to bring him some more of his order, he drops the bowl as he’s pouring it all over his fried rice.
This in itself is not a crime. It’s some sauce on a dining table. Big deal. I’ll probably get a better tip out of it by showing that 1) don’t care and 2) clean tables real good like. So I grab some of the cocktail napkins that I had gotten them minutes ago (read: SOME, not ALL) and proceed to clean.
Him: “What are you doing?”
Me: “Uh…uh…cleaning?”
Him: “Get your own napkins to clean up the mess.”
What. the. fuck.
Let me repeat that:
What. The. FUCK.
Sir, I saw you drop that frickin’ bowl of sauce all over the table. My hands were nowhere near the bowl that YOU dropped, you slippery son-of-a-bitch.
Secondly, I know that cocktail napkins are quite the commodity, but please, sir, may I borrow some of your wonderful, satin cocktail napkins so I can clean up your little oopsy-doopsy?
Thirdy, I can’t wait to see you outside of work so I can spit in your face.
March 6th, 2007 at 8:29
Let us all repeat in chorus.
What. The. Fuck.
March 6th, 2007 at 10:17
I’m not sure but I think I feel a hate crime coming on somewhere in Ryan’s area. LOL!!!
March 7th, 2007 at 1:12
wow… just… wow…
the thought just occurred to me.
have you ever thought that maybe someone might be reading this, and having figured out where you work, just stopped by to annoy you?
why do I ask? because, if I hadnt already worked in a restaurant and know the stress that people like you go through, I would probably do that.
March 7th, 2007 at 9:13
He has no liability. Its a blog and he doesn’t use pronouns or the name of his business.
I hope the offenders do read this and realize how retarded they are. I doubt it since I’m sure half of them are too dumb to figure out a mouse, and the other half are bad tippers so they must not be able to afford a computer.
March 7th, 2007 at 9:45
Have you guys ever stopped to think that maybe my name’s not “Ryan”?
March 7th, 2007 at 11:27
Good one, Hank.
Oh, shit.
March 9th, 2007 at 12:57
Man Ryan its times like these when I just want to agree with the person and then take their head and smash it into the table. I swear some people are just plain ignorant.
March 14th, 2007 at 12:09
Ryan…. I think that you may have to deal with all these true racists before other people come back to this site. Sorry.
March 14th, 2007 at 12:13
Nothing personal, Back in 1983 I ran a “Skinhead House” in New Jersey. and there was a lot of violence and;……….people getting their head’s kicked in.. That’s it.