If You’re Going To Talk To Your Mistress, Do It Somewhere Classier Than Our Bathroom.
As I walk into the bathroom, I hear someone talking very excitedly into the phone in the closed-door stall. Curious, I listen in as I use the urinal.
Him: “Listen, baby, I’m here with my wife. How’s an hour sound?…Okay…Yea…Yea…No, that won’t work…Yea!…Okay, see you then.”
The look he gave me as he walked out of the stall and saw me washing my hands was one of first confusion and then fear. My expression nearly matched his as I realized this was the same man who just minutes ago I was serving onion soup and two Philadelphia sushi rolls to. I didn’t know this dude was my customer.
For the rest of the meal, the knot in my stomach made its way up into my throat as I saw this man affectionately kiss his wife, hold her hand with his left and feed his infant daughter steamed rice and cheerios with his right. I wonder if she had any idea. I wonder if their marriage was any good. I wonder if they laid in bed until 2 in the morning talking like my girlfriend and I do. I wonder if when he came back to the house he’d made a home, he showered before kissing his wife hello.
As they left, I heard the man say, “Okay, honey. I’ll catch up with you two at the house. I’ve gotta help Donald with something with his car.” She kissed him, smiled and walked out the front door and into her car. He stayed at the bar a few extra minutes and then jumped into his own car. I guess he’d thought ahead and brought two.
He was smiling too.
January 12th, 2007 at 7:39
I hope that guy dies on the job and his wife gets his million-dollar insurance policy. What a douchebag.
January 12th, 2007 at 8:07
That is so depressing…makes me never want to get married…he should die painfully…
January 12th, 2007 at 9:01
I’m not into ruining anyone’s life here, but I would have said something. I can’t stand assholes that cheat on their wives.
January 12th, 2007 at 9:18
jerk.
i agree with patrick =P haha..woulda served him right..
January 12th, 2007 at 10:08
what a sick bastard
January 12th, 2007 at 10:09
That’s really awful, Ryan. I know I would have had a hard time with that. If he comes in again, you should really do something. No one deserves to be lied to like that.
January 12th, 2007 at 11:08
Ryan, you might not want to put this up in case she sees it…..not promoting his activity, but i mean, you didnt say something the first time, so i suppose you decided not your place to act. still….you never know who’s reading.
January 12th, 2007 at 11:51
Ryan, I dunno man it always seems interesting when you hear it through the bathroom stall, but once you see the wife and kids.. man that has to hurt. I am engaged myself. I love my woman very much, but that level of lying and being able to smile and be happy about it… what kind of person is that? I know it is hard to remove yourself from a situation sometimes. Wanting to help, but on the other hand not wanting to fuck with your customers. Personally I would want to do something, perhaps even outside of work… dude this post made me depressed, I hope you have something funny up next time… this is why I have douchbags like that guy who ruin it for the rest of us.
January 13th, 2007 at 5:35
Maybe he was really going to meet Donald…and Donald is his baby…but of ocurse im only trying to look on a brighter side…which really isnt so bright now that i think of it…
nope…still depressing…
January 13th, 2007 at 8:47
yeah, i think donald being his baby at least makes it a little bit funny.
but yeah that story made me sad and sick at the same time.
January 15th, 2007 at 9:49
that guy’s a jerk,, cheater.. how could he do that?
January 16th, 2007 at 6:30
ryan! this is the first time ive actually read the thing in your profile! im intrigued! (and a sad story this one was)
January 16th, 2007 at 4:11
newsflash-60-70% of people cheat on their wives and husbands. its called, monogamy is not natural. it all seems sweet and nice since we are in our 20’s but i cant tell you how many miserable 30-somethings who are married i have encountered. the husband is browbeaten by his nagging wife who doesnt put out, and the wife has fooled herself into thinking shes happy to keep up appearances. welcome to america.
January 17th, 2007 at 8:28
I’m glad you didn’t say anything. People’s lies get out on their own. And don’t worry about the lady. If he’s that stupid, chances are she already knows and is biding her time while her attorney puts a case together. She’s gotta put that baby through college somehow.
January 20th, 2007 at 6:10
Dang Katie! You’re giving me flashbacks of Clerks II with Rosario Dawson talking about relationships and how monogamy isn’t natural and how “love and marraige” get in the way of our primal instict to have as much sex as possible. Cleaned it up a bit for the boards.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:40
Hahaha well I didnt mean it like that but you could take it there. what did jeff foxworthy say? “getting married to have sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts”?
August 24th, 2007 at 2:50
[…] off when a man acts like an incredible asshole in hopes of impressing his girlfriend, wife and/or mistress. It especially upsets me when that man is a bro, but tonight was not the night for bros. No, no, […]
December 23rd, 2007 at 12:49
funny…. dealing with just having heard my husband HAVING sex with some girl IN a bathroom. Only did he know his blackberry was in his back pocket and he accidentally called me. I listed to the entire thing. Talk about painful. Oh ya, I was at home watching dream girls while pregnant and my 1 1/2 year old twins sleep. He was supposed to be at a dinner party. Guess that’s the last time I believe THAT story.