Monday night, I was first to get a table and was seated a very polite family of four and an eccentric senior citizen couple. Everything was going according to plan until the chef was out there for a few minutes. The woman was looking around the restaurant and finally caught my eye. So, I figured she needed something. I go over and say, “Oh, ma’am…do you need anything?” She gave me a confused look so I explain that I noticed she was looking around the restaurant.

Her: “If you come over to my table again, I’m going to run you through with my fork.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Her: “…”
Me: “Was that a joke?” Then I look at her husband and ask “Is she joking?”
Him: “…”
Me: “Okay, sorry about checking on you. I’m just your waiter.”

Run me through with a fork? I’ve heard of people getting upset that I wasn’t able to check up on them enough, but who goes ape-shit about their SERVER WANTING TO SERVE THEM?

Mr. Fireman, if you put out the fire in my house, I’m going to run you through with this fork.

Mr. Mailman, if you deliver my mail one more time, I’m going to run you through with this fork.

Mr. Server, if you try to check up on me one more time, I’m going to PHYSICALLY FUCKING ASSAULT YOU WITH THE FORK THAT YOU COINCIDENTALLY FRICKING SERVED ME.

The guy still tipped me 18%. Kind of makes me wonder how much more he’d have tipped me had I not…you know…served them.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 20th, 2006 at 10:36 and is filed under Couples, Grandmas And Grandpas, Stuck Up Yuppies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.