These two couples come in and are loud as hell as they come through the front door. As Karma would have it, it’s my turn in the rotation.

Me: “Would you guys like some sushi menus with your meals?”
Guy 1: “Does it LOOK like we want some sushi?”

This was, of course, the funniest thing in the world to the four of them.

Me: “Uh…is this a trick question?
All of them: “Hahahahahahahahahaha!”
Me: “So…yes?”
All of them: “Hahahahahahahahahaha!”
Me: “…”
All of them: “…”
Me: “I’ll give you a couple just in case.”
All of them: “Hahahahahahahahahaha!”

Firstly, screw the four of you. I don’t care if you created the cure for polio, you’re a bunch of douchebags to me.

Secondly, since when is a waiter’s confusion the punchline to a joke? “To get to the other side” and “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?” are punchlines…not “I don’t know whether or not you guys want sushi”.

So the four of them sit and I know right away that the women are going to want at least three drinks because they’re 1) women, 2) Jewish-looking and 3) women.

Woman 1: “I’ll have a glass of red wine and a glass of water.”
(Wait for it)
Woman 1: “…and a Purple Geisha specialty drink! Hahahahahahaha!”
Woman 2: “You are too much tonight, Ruth. I’ll have the same! Hahahahahahaha!”

Again, I don’t get the frickin’ joke.

Guy 1: “I’ll have a Budweiser and a glass…hold the sushi!”
All of them: “Hahahahahahahaha!”

Dammit.

Their entire meal was a replay of the following few paragraphs with appetizers, entrees and desserts substituted where the drink orders were. Everything was also as funny as an episode of “I Love Lucy” to them and “Matlock” to me. Fuck Matlock.

At the end of the meal, I went to go collect their checks. They left cash in the booklets (with change, those cheap geriatrics) and said the following:

Guy 2: “We were all servers growing up so we put a little extra in there for you.”
Woman 1: “Thanks so much!”
Woman 2: “Thank you!”

Between the four of them, they left me a grand total of $6.00. Their meal was over $80. I was pissed and did something I’d never done and will probably never do again. I took the change, went back to the table, sat the change on the table and said:

Me: “Here’s your change.”
Woman 1: “Oh, that’s for…”
Me: “Keep it.”
Woman 1: “But I don’t th…”
Me: “Keep it.”
All of them: “…”
Me: “Have a great night.”

Screw them. I don’t want them thinking their 6% tip would make me feel better, making THEM feel good in the process.

And yes, the looks on their faces was WELL worth the six bucks.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 18th, 2006 at 3:42 and is filed under Couples, Grandmas And Grandpas, Stuck Up Yuppies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.